That one gross guy

One of my early posts was about a guy that hangs out up at the local bar. You know the one... the big, nasty bus driver who lives in his parents' basement and lusts after teenaged girls.

Well, a couple weeks ago my husband took me to see Jackass 2 (Oh, it was wonderful... I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my face... my husband chuckled a couple times, but otherwise just sat there shaking his head... but that's another post entirely) and we hit the bar afterward.

That gross dude was there, and he frickin' bought me a drink. Okay, usually that's a good thing, but for me that meant that when he came over to talk to us, and I knew he would, I'd have to be nice. Crap.

So he comes over to chat us up, and he's got a frickin' stuffed animal with him. Yeah, you heard me. A little black cow with a shock of green hair. He goes, "This is my mascot, Lucifer Beelzebub Rex. He sits in my car. I've had him for about four years." And you decided to bring him into the bar with you tonight WHY??? I guess it's a good thing it sits in his car... I was afraid maybe he brought it on his school bus to lure unsuspecting girls into conversation or something. I was actually glad to meet his little mascot... one more thing to mock him about. Yeah, hi, I'm a forty-five year old man drinking Pepsi at the bar with a frickin' stuffed animal on my lap. Please be my friend.

So my husband asks him if he's going to go home and catch the end of Saturday Night Live. I half expected him to say something gay like, "My mom doesn't let me watch late night tv," but instead he goes into this long explanation of how he likes to watch the Disney Channel and ABC Family. Well, I suppose it's important for him to stay current on what the teeny-boppers are watching if he's going to snag himself a date, right? Yuck.

It was sooooo hard, because inside I was laughing my frickin' ass off, but I had to be nice because he bought me a frickin' drink. Stifling my laughter was almost physically painful.

In case you can't tell, I'm feeling much better today... I think the fact that my bitchy commentary on life is back on track is a good sign, don't you?