Friday, December 15, 2006

Have Yourself a Merry Frickin' Christmas

I finally put up my Christmas decorations. I know, I know... only a week before Christmas and I'm just now getting my act together. Sad. Have I done any Christmas shopping? No, no I haven't.

Last year I had a lot of my Christmas shopping done long before Thanksgiving, because I had surgery on November 17th and didn't want my hubby to worry about what to get the kids for Christmas in the event that I died on the operating table. Morbid, I know... but it rocked because I could lie around and recuperate during the Christmas season without worrying about fighting the crowds in the stores.

This year I am the Queen of Procrastination. And I wear my crown with pride. Well, not really. I feel kinda bad about the whole thing. I mean, if it was just me I wouldn't give a rat's ass and probably wouldn't put up a tree at all, but the kids need that kind of stuff. I should've gotten off my ass the day after Thanksgiving and pulled out all the holiday boxes, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Maybe my husband is right. Maybe I am the laziest woman on the planet. Or maybe I am overstressed with school and life in general and can use that as an excuse. I'd like to use that as an excuse.

But whatever... the decorations are up, the tree is lit, the house smells like pine and cinnamon, the kids are happy, and I'll take what I can get.

Now I just have to force myself to get out there and shop. Now, I have no trouble spending money. None whatsoever. That's why my husband took all my credit cards away. I love buying stuff... somehow it makes me very happy to acquire things. This past year I bought myself an extensive wardrobe as my weight went down. Hell, I was buying a whole new wardrobe almost every month as my sizes shrank from the 20's to the teens to the single digits. Now I have no excuse to buy a buttload of new clothes until the weather warms up, so it's good that I get to go Christmas shopping. I can get my spending fix, even though the stuff is all for other people.

The only problem I have with holiday shopping is the people. People bug me. Especially the ones who have no concept of personal space. Yeah, go ahead and stop your cart in the middle of an aisle and look around while other people are waiting for you to move your ass so they can get past you. Go ahead and reach right in front of me to grab something off a shelf. Go ahead and stand so close to me in the checkout line that I can feel your breath on the back on my neck. Go ahead and do all those things. You'd better just pray that I can keep my inner holiday bitch under control long enough to keep from kicking your ass in the middle of Macy's.

As David Banner used to say, "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

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