I just looked out my frickin' window, and there he was: my neighbor mowing his lawn, shirtless, wearing daisy duke gym shorts with a ciggie hanging from his mouth. Ew, ew, EW.
This is a middle-aged, rotund dude who spends warm summer evenings in the dark in his backyard, hawking up lugies. I can hear him, even with all my windows shut. He should be in a villa somewhere in Florida, wearing bermuda shorts belted just below his armpits, black dress socks and sandals, and driving to get the early-bird special at Denny's with his left blinker on the whole way there. Not half-naked outside my window with his ass crack sticking out of his waistband and his cheeks poking out from the seat of his shorts. Welcome to my frickin' nightmare.
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2 comments:
Your blog is always a joy to check up on. Seriously, you've got more complaints than anyone I've ever known, but you do it with such "panache". You may have missed your calling as a stand-up comedian.
Yeah, thanks. I've always been a big whiner, so if my constant bitching can bring joy to someone else then that's cool.
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