School Sucks

Can I just say that I'm really starting to hate frickin' school???

I spent all frickin' day yesterday writing term papers that were due last night. I can't believe I totally put everything off until the literal last minute. It was awful. Now, I have always been the High Queen of Procrastination, but as of yesterday I've officially been promoted to the Supreme Empress of Procrastination. Where else can I go? I suppose I could make Ultimate Goddess of Procrastination if I keep going in this vein, which is highly possible considering my present level of burnout. I even got to class ten minutes late because I was trying madly to finish my frickin' papers.

Class last night massively sucked.

First of all, The Thing did not get kicked out. Dammit. He was there last night, and he was doing his usual blahblahfricketyblah, with a couple of funny but annoying exceptions.

One of the Scripture readings was from the book of John, and Thing goes, "Yeah, I'm real glad John wrote what he did. I couldn't have done no better myself." Really, Thing? Ya couldn't have done no better? Aw, I'm thinking you're selling yourself short. I mean, you write so well. Your papers generally only have between 70 and 85 mechanical mistakes (and I know because I used to have the dubious honor of proofreading them), you choose a topic, stick to it and explain your position flawlessly, and you have proven yourself to be a matchless theologian, as evidenced by your scintillating additions to class discussions.

In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.

Occasionally our prof uses Greek terminology in his lectures, which is fine. For some reason last night, however, Thing really felt he had something to prove. Every time the prof would throw out a little Greek, Thing would start going, "Oh, yeah. Mmmmhmmm." Like he recognized the words or something, or like the prof needed confirmation that his Greek was correct. Um.... yeah. Thing? Don't even. We all know you can't speak or understand a damn word of Greek, or probably any other language for that matter. Hell, you can't even speak proper English. Remember the rectal scale? You will never live that one down as long as I am still breathing.

There is a new chick in our class that bugs the crap out of me. Remember that craptacular TV show Cheers? Well, this chick is Diane Chambers. She obviously thinks she is so much better and smarter than the rest of us, and it makes me want to smack her. So I will be referring to her as Diane Chambers.

So Diane felt it was important to let everyone know last night that her PC Bible program has sixteen versions on it, including the original Hebrew. Well la-di-da. She even went so far as to let the prof know that if he needed anyone to read a Scripture verse, she could do it in any version. So he took her up on it, and she goes, "Which version?" He rattled off a few that we usually use, and she goes, "How about the Modern King James?" Well, if she'd taken the class on hermeneutics (Scripture interpretation) with us, she would have known that the Modern King James is generally not considered the most accurate translation. I think the prof was getting exasperated, though, because he goes, "Sure. Whatever." So she reads it. He rereads it a little later in the lecture, in a more accurate translation, to illustrate a point, and she goes, "Well, in the Modern King James it says this, not what you said. Isn't this the correct meaning?" He let her know that it was not the correct meaning, and she has the nerve to go, "Are you sure about that?" Excuse me??? Hey, Diane - do you have a master's degree in biblical studies? Have you even taken a class in interpretation of Scripture before? No? Well then SHUT THE HELL UP. Your head is so far up your ass it would take the frickin' jaws of life to get it out of there.

Then it was presentation time. My friend Michelle went first, and she did very well. She had a lot of good information on the heresy she chose to present, and her power point slides rocked. Diane went later, presenting the same heresy as Michelle. Diane got bitchy and felt she needed to publicly point out the points where she disagreed with Michelle. Whatever. I mean, if you have the kind of relationship with someone where you can point out mistakes without making the other person feel bad, go ahead and do it in private if you feel you need to do it at all. But to do it in front of the whole class, and to do it in such a classless way, especially when the two of them barely know each other, was just plain bitchy and nasty. And she didn't even have the marvelous power point show she'd been bragging she was going to have. She just sat there and read from her notes like some uptight, hoity-toity schoolmarm. Hey, look at me! I'm soooo much smarter than any of you! Please like me! Yeah. Not gonna happen, Diane. I've totally got your number, and I'm pretty sure it's a big, fat zero.

My other friend Sherry, who occasionally comments on Bogurdine, also did her presentation. She also rocked the house. Her power point was amazing, and she obviously studied her frickin' ass off. But then, she always does. Now SHE is smart. Diane could take some serious lessons from her, because there is no one in our class who is smarter than Sherry. Except me. Just kidding.

Also, I was forced to see Computer Boy's ass hanging out yet again. It was funny at first, but now it's just gross. And he still smells like deep-fried ass.

By 7:30 PM I knew I was going to need a drink when I got home, and class goes until 10 PM.

I wasn't going to go to the bar last night because I've been up there way too much lately, and I generally end up drinking too much, but when I got home my husband really wanted to go. So we went.

Remember the bar bitch who's been spreading nasty rumors about me? Well, a couple Sundays ago we had an unpleasant confrontation. She comes up to me and goes, "You know I still love you." Whatever. I told her I'd hate to see what she'd do to me if she hated me, and she asked what I meant. I go, "Don't even. I know what you've been saying about me." She tried to tell me that she'd heard the rumors, but wasn't the one who started them. I go, "Hmmm. Everyone tells me they heard it straight from you." She goes, "Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree on that point." I go, "You and I will never agree on anything. Ever." Then she has the nerve to ask me if we're still friends. I go, "Hell no. You and I are absolutely not friends." My husband and our best friend were watching all this unfold, and they later said they were poised to jump up and pull me off her if need be, because I had my trademark pissed-off face going and they were a little afraid for the bar bitch's safety. I've seen her a couple times since then, and she carefully avoids me while very obviously whispering about me to anyone who will listen. Man, do I hate her.

So anyhow, back to my story about last night. There was a couple up there, and I really like them. It was the guy's birthday, and they were ordering one more drink before they took off for the next leg of their celebration. We were having a nice conversation when Bar Bitch sidles up to them and tells the bartender to put their drinks on her tab. The chick half of the couple took two sips, and then their cab came. So she turns to me, with Bar Bitch sitting right there, and goes, "Donna, do you want my drink?" I said sure. Then they left. I turned to my husband with the hugest grin on my face and said, "Hey, get me. I'm drinking this chick's drink and Robin frickin' paid for it." Oh, it struck me so funny. I was half expecting her to ask the bartender to take it off her tab, but she didn't. I was very tempted to lift my glass to her and tell her thanks, but I didn't really want to address her directly in any way, shape or form. To actually have to talk to her would be about as palatable to me as stepping in fresh dog shit with my bare foot.

So, in summary... Me: hating school, Supreme Empress of Procrastination, but happy that Bar Bitch unintentionally bought me a drink; Thing: dumb as ever and just as annoying; Diane Chambers: pretentious and rude, and possibly not much smarter than Thing; Bar Bitch: nasty, hateful, and out five bucks.

Sa-weet.