Could I be a crappier parent? I don't think so. Every kid I have is giving me fits. Every single one of them.
The teenagers are totally out of control. Both of them are making crappy life choices right now, and they both keep saying that, because they'll be 18 in a month, they are "practically adults" and should be able to do whatever they want. I am quickly realizing that my time of influence with them has come to an end, and frankly I think my performance has left a lot to be desired. So what do I do? Do I crack the whip and try to keep them in line, or do I just sit back and watch the train wreck? I'm thinking it's too late for me to have any significant positive effect on their behavior or their life skills, and it kills me. I'm sending my babies out into the big, mean world, and I don't have a great deal of confidence that I've given them what it takes to be successful adults.
The little kids... wow. I have one with some issues at school (mild autism spectrum disorder), and I am at a loss as to how to help him. I've tried just about everything I can come up with, thought we had it all figured out, only to find that we're back at square one. The thing that throws me is that he sees any intervention as a punishment and totally fights me. It's a huge power struggle every frickin' day. And my baby has perpetual PMS. She growls at me like a little animal when she doesn't like what I'm saying to her, has even tried to smack me a few times, and now has decided that she is going to gain control of situations by dragging her little feet when we're trying to get out the door and making everyone late.
What the hell????? Okay, maybe I kind of deserve it. I mean, I was a horrible, hard-headed child. My mom used to tell me, "I hope someday you have a kid just like you." Well Mom, you are evidence of the power of prayer, because I don't have just one like me... I have four. Count 'em: FOUR. Just goes to show that most people usually get what's coming to them in spades.
And it doesn't help me any that my husband criticizes my parenting skills on a consistent basis. Not constructive criticism, either. The kind of criticism that makes you feel like crap and doubt yourself. And it's not like he's jumping in there to back me up. I am always the strict parent, the one who doles out and reinforces discipline, and the one who comes off looking like a bitch. The kids try to play us off one another, and he usually ends up telling them they have to deal with me and leave him out of it. Yeah, thanks for the support.
To be perfectly honest, I feel like running away. Just getting in the car and driving, ending up somewhere out west, changing my name and starting over. I am so frustrated and so emotionally exhausted.
Of course, you all know I won't actually run away. However, I think I will be taking another long weekend to go away to regroup and think things through. I want to do it soon, because I am going frickin' nuts. I'm thinking I'll probably go to the same hotel I went to last summer and spend a few days reading, vegging, sleeping, and soaking in the hot tub. Sounds waaaay better to me than fighting with my husband and kids and trying to keep my head above water all the frickin' time.
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