I got OWNED.

Yep, I totally got owned. By Fibromyalgia. Poopy dumb disease.

I had two week-long flares in three weeks. Extremely painful. Muscle and joint aches, debilitating fatigue, vertigo, the works. It was everything I could do to drag myself to work and try to hobble through my day without bursting into tears. I went home every night, fell asleep on the couch until Mike got home, then fell back asleep with my head on his lap until bedtime, and then crashed for the rest of the night. Luckily, both flares were during weeks when the kids were with their dad, so I had the luxury of crashing in peace.

Man, this disease completely kicked my ass like never before.

Why were these episodes so much worse than all the others I've lived through over the past eight years, you ask? I can answer without hesitation: BECAUSE I AM SOBER. A few months ago, when I started feeling the pain, I could just drink it away. Even Fibro doesn't hurt when you're hammered. So I just made a point of being hammered as often as possible to make the pain go away. Now I have no choice but to feel the pain in full and live through it. Did downing a few Jag Bombs to ease my misery cross my mind? You bet your ass it did. Did I succumb? Hell no! I worked my Program and hung in there. Yeah, I'm totally patting myself on the back here.

Of course, it wasn't all my spectacular willpower that got me through. It was also Mike's love, patience and care, his tireless rubbing of spastic feet, stiff neck and sore back, and his saintly listening skills while I whined, cried and complained. His quietly making dinner while I slept, waking me long enough to eat, and cleaning up after I crashed out again.

It also was my awesome doctor, finally coming up with a drug regimen that keeps me almost pain-free and able to function once again. Yay, modern medicine!

One fabulous side effect of my ordeal: since all I did was sleep when I was home, I lost six pounds instantly. Now I'm back to my fighting weight. Bonus!

Okay, I gotta ask: when you read the subject line, did you gleefully scroll down, hoping that I took a massive wipeout and lived to tell about it, complete with pictures? You evil people... you totally did.

Sorry to disappoint. Better luck next time.