Okay, here's something that bothers me: why are men so focused on how women look, and why are they so pervy about it?
As I said in my profile, I've lost more than 70 lbs in the past 6 months. Suddenly, men are all up in my face, telling me how nice I look, most of them with that gross, leering grin that men get.... yeah, you ladies know the look. The thing that really blows is that many of these men are people I've known for years, and they used to see me as a PERSON. Now the pleasant conversations we had when I was a fatass have been replaced by my struggling to get them to look at my face instead of at my boobs.
What is the deal, I ask you? Now I question the motives of any man who is nice to me, waaaaay more than I did when I was fat. No man is "safe," no friendship is "safe," even my own husband is not "safe." It seems to me that men only want one thing.
Could it have something to do with the way I dress? There are no huge, shapeless garments with camouflaging giant flower prints in the places I shop now. I try not to reveal too much, but I never realized how hard it is to find really modest clothing in a lot of stores. I am just as self-conscious about my appearance now as I was when I was fat.
I guess the thing that set me off today was some little old man at Target that I don't even know. He was absolutely leering at me, staring at my boobs. He even stopped what he was doing to watch me walk past him. What the hell???? YUCK. I didn't say anything, but it took all my self-control not to. I started thinking about how that totally would not have happened last winter, and then I started thinking about how much things have changed, even with guys I've known forever.
I tried talking to a male friend about my feelings a couple months ago, just hoping to get some evidence that I was wrong in my perceptions. His comment was, "You just have to get used to it. It's the way guys are." He then went on to tell me that the solution is for me to get used to the negative attention and live with it. Well, I'm sorry, but that just blows. And it confirmed everything I was feeling.
The old saying is true: Boys are rotten, made of dirty cotton.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I totally know what you're talking about. Not that I am in any way majorly hot or anything but you can just totally feel their eyes on you. It's disgusting and I'm very sad that you have to feel it too. I think that a lot of my modesty comes from the fact that I don't want to be oogled, and not from the fact that it would be revealing. Does that make sense? Like for instance, I'm super self conscious in a bathing suit, not because I think I'm disgustingly fat, but because no matter who you are, every male will look. Gross!! I feel for you girlfriend!
Donna, my legs are hairy and it doesn't feel good.
I'm hoping and thinking that part of the reason for guys you know leering at you is because you look a lot different now and it's very noticeable and almost surprising. I know I'm staring at you every time I see you, and I'm not attracted sexually to you! I'm just like "wow, she looks way different".
But, yeah, as for all those other guys that don't know you, I don't have an excuse for them. The male species is definitely in a horny prison that they can't get out of. Poor them. But POOOOORRRR US! It sucks, even when our husbands are like all over us, and we're like, "get off me dog, don't you ever stop??!!".
Uuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU, girlfriends! It's nice to know you both know what I'm sayin'. And T, you're right: it even sucks when it's the Old Man. It's like, "Don't you know how to show affection beyond a seventh grade level?" It's all booty and boobies to them. I'm half expecting my hubby to snap my bra and start giggling.
-D
Well, I don't know you and I just came across your blog by linking through a mutual friend of ours. I'm a man (this is important, you'll know why soon) I read a few of your posts and you're a really good writer; thanks for being entertaining and worthy of a read...especially among so many blowhards.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am still kind of confused and taken aback when I hear ladies refer to the way some guys look at them, specifically the guys who look at their...um...you know... their...uh...anatomy. I guess I can only speak for myself, but I know of at least one guy who never does that (me). It's not that I don't notice them, and it's certainly not because I don't swing that way (I'm happily married to a hottie with fantastic...attributes). But I just never break eye contact with a woman when talking to her, unless its for something else that's obvious. And I didn't think I was alone until the past few years when I've heard women mention this kind of thing.
I don't think I'm unusual in this respect, and I don't think this is being over-the-top chivalrous. Just talking to them like they're anybody else.
To be fair, though, I've met a few (pretty rare) "ladies" who insist on wearing obnoxious tops that make it hard to avoid. A classic, and frustrating example are the girls who wear a shirt that has some slogan or sentence printed across the front of it. I can't help wanting to read it. It's not a biological, lustful thing. I just want to know what it says. Those shirts piss me off. I'm always afraid I'm going to get caught reading one.
Wow, Tim... thanks for your comment! It is always good to hear a guy's opinion, and so refreshing to find out that not all men are oglers! I'm glad you like my blog... thanks for the kind words.
-D
Post a Comment