Did you miss me?

I missed you. I really, really did.

The last couple months have been quite the rollercoaster, lemme tell ya.

I finished my classes, and graduated at the end of May. My self-study practicum is due at the end of July, and then I will have my B.A. Sa-weet! I cannot wait to never have to set foot in a classroom again.

On June 1st I left my husband and moved into my apartment. It's a two-bedroom, it's quiet, and my deck overlooks some wetlands. Lots of big trees, geese, deer, birds... I love it here.

I'm all unpacked and settled, and the place finally looks the way I want it to look. This place is a total haven for me, I gotta say. It's so nice to not have to walk on eggshells, to not have to measure everything I say or do, not knowing what is going to set my husband off and make him rip me to shreds. I am feeling peaceful and confident for the first time in years.

The kids are doing okay. It was super hard to tell the little ones that I was moving out, but they seem to be adjusting. They live with me every other week, and this week is my week. They seem to be happy, and they do seem to be less stressed. Although that could just be because it's summer, too. The thing that's hardest right now with the kids is that they keep asking me if I'm ever going to move back in with their dad. I told them probably not. They didn't really react or say anything, so I don't know how they feel about that. The other thing is that they've started saying, "Dad's house," and "Mom's house," but in the past couple weeks I haven't heard either of them call either place "home." That makes me so sad. I think they're feeling uprooted... displaced.

The older kids want to hang out here because I have cable TV and because they need rides places. Yeah, I feel used a little. But I'll take it.They told me that their dad grills them on a regular basis about whether they've talked to me, what we talked about, what I'm doing, where I'm going, who I'm with, etc. They said they never tell him anything, because there's really nothing to tell, and they figure that if he wants to know something he should ask me himself. I hate that he's putting them in the middle, but the whole need to control, even from the other side of town, is so typical.

Speaking of the older kids, my twins graduated from high school this month! I was so proud of them... I totally bawled when I saw them walking in to "Pomp and Circumstance." My first babies are high school graduates!!!!!!! So hard to believe.

So yeah... the last couple months have been kind of a blur. I'm really looking forward to things settling down into some new form of normal.