1. People who butcher the English language with mispronunciations such as "warsh clothes" or "liberry card", or with hideous grammar such as "I ain't got no money" or "She don't have none" or god forbid the not-even-real-word "FUNNA".
2. Slow drivers and idiots who have no clue how to merge into traffic.
3. People who invade my personal space.
4. People who interrupt me with stupid stuff that could've waited while I'm busy with something.
5. People who know I leave work at 4:30 yet stop by at 4:25 with a "quick question" that inevitably takes 30 minutes or more.
6. When some crisis with a resident comes up right as I'm walking out of my office for the day. This has happened THREE TIMES just in the last week. Really? You couldn't have fallen at 3pm instead of 4:30?
7. My big fat upstairs neighbor, who tromps around at all hours. I swear to god, one of these days one of his big fat feet is going to come crashing through my ceiling... he actually makes the light fixtures shake.
8. That bug-eyed chick Carla on Top Chef this season. Seriously... could she look any more like a totem pole? I shudder each and every time I see her. I just cannot get used to her hideous face.
9. Strangers who talk to me and basically stalk me at the grocery store. Um yeah... Security?!?!?!?
10. Weird, creepy people who somehow think they're normal.
11. People who chew with their mouths open, especially when they're eating crunchy things.
12. People who rattle popcorn or chip bags while I'm trying to watch a movie.
13. People who try to carry on a full-blown conversation with me when I'm trying to watch a show on TV.
14. People who cannot for the life of them retain and follow simple instructions.
15. People who tell me what I should do with my hair, wardrobe, figure, relationship, etc. when I haven't asked their opinion or advice.
16. People who don't signal turns or lane changes.
17. Below zero temperatures and icy sidewalks or driveways.
18. Cats. They're no fun and they shed.
19. Dudes who sag their pants. Seriously, sometimes they're not even on the ass at all! Guy, I am totally uncomfortable with the fact that the only thing between me and your bare ass is a very thin layer of skid-marked cotton.
20. People who have extremely loud conversations in restaurants, like everyone needs to hear the ultra-important crap they're spewing. Like the other night when Mike and I were out and this gaggle of geese was squawking at the next table... one exclaimed that she'd just found out what "teabagging" is, and proceeded to bellow the definition to her companions, and to the rest of the diners by proxy. I'm sure the couple with the elementary school-aged children at the next table really appreciated that.
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